Neuhaus was always already bankrupt, borne out of pain and the desire for validation.
One cannot be effective in forging meaningful relationships when the precontext is proof of one’s value. This is where The Nova Project was hiddenly born from – a quest for a certain kind of validation and salve for the pain of not seeking one’s self.
I realized yesterday how silly it would’ve been if I had succeeded at achieving “Casanova” – the neural pathways allowing me access to love get worn down, the more partners I have. And that’s what I’ve always wanted anyway: nourishing intimacy, love, connection, and hot sex within the context of a meaningful relationship. Yes, there is the potential for many such relationships, but I think open relationships might sometimes be the hideout spot of the hiddenly hurt.
I resonate with intimate relationships where I give all of who I am. I’ve been holding back myself out of fear and out of pain and out of this unnatural programmed quest “to get laid” or “to seduce.” These are not natural desires. They are inculturated.
OK, to summarize: I never failed to achieve Casanova. I had adventures, I enjoyed myself, I learned some things, and then I recognized that the real need was to love and pursue myself AND just allow whatever I am to naturally express itself without the constraint of impressing or manipulating others (they know when you do that, anyway). I can let go of whatever I think I “should” be and simply ALLOW whoever resonates with me to show up naturally.