“From gold forge steel!” – The Book of The Law III: 32
Enough of this, though. To quote and tinker a bit with a favorite Frank Abagnale quote from Catch Me If You Can: “I’m not a Christian, I’m not a Thelemite, I’m not a philosopher. I’m a l-ver. Hopelessly, devotedly, unabashedly…” To which Martin Sheen’s character would of course have responded: “You’re a romantic. We’re nothing without the women we l-ve.”
That’s going a bit too far, “I’m ‘nothing’ without the woman I l-ve (or women I’ve l-ved),” but it does come damn close.
Speaking of those women: you’ll never get their names from me, not their full names and especially not those who could ever be found based on what details I share here. I may “kiss and tell,” but discretion and tact are the better part not only of valor, but also of true l-ve. There’s no reason I can’t share my experiences to touch, move, and inspire others – but the women I’ve l-ved? There are reputations and persons to protect. Hence the gamut of pseudonyms and initials.
Importantly, too: as Peter O’Toole’s older version/interpretation of the Casanova legend/myth (he was also a real and fascinating historical figure, Giacomo de Casanova) emotes in the BBC miniseries, “They’re not notches on a bedpost,” to which I add, “They are bel-veds worth cherishing every memory of,” and that’s what I do here.
I l-ve women. I l-ve loving women. I l-ve making l-ve to women. I l-ve mapping the ever-expanding limits of my ignorance about women. I l-ve learning how each one l-ves to be touched, to be moved, to be listened to, to be seen. I have always been this way, since the l-ve-notes left on pretty girls’ desks at that Baptist elementary school in Metairie and the “autobiography” (really, a serial of extremely short vignettes illustrating my ongoing feelings and thoughts, much like Doug Funnie’s journal from the Nickelodeon cartoon, released periodically to my classmates) I wrote called “My Love – Amy” in 6th grade. I have always been this way, since I saw Captain James T. Kirk of the Starship Enterprise make out with some alien woman on that bel-ved show of mine, Star Trek, when I was in day-care at age…6? 8? It was damn young, that’s all I remember. And that I spent the rest of the afternoon after seeing that scene on TV making-out with this gorgeous blonde Marci (I don’t know her last name).
But it’s not that “I have always been this way” constrains me. It is what one might call the neural karma, the grooves of thought and feeling and experience and desiring-production that have accumulated in the brain that they call “mine” that I can choose to lovingly cherish and harvest in order to build the now and the me that lives (t)here.
who I am
is the possibility of being Casanova.
This is the possibility I am living-into, and capturing/crystallizing/sharing with the writing of this blog. I’ve had so much of an adventure just within the past twenty-four hours that I’m overfull to the brim with things to write and record.
It has been quite a quest, more than just a journey, and to do it justice I must say I’m not quite who I want to be yet. But I am becoming.
Yes, I am also a twenty-five-year-old college graduate with a Bachelor of the Arts in Philosophy who recently moved from New Orleans, LA to Austin, TX in order to complete the third leg of the Landmark Curriculum for Living, the Self-Expression and Leadership Program (S.E.L.P.). Moving to Austin was the single most dramatic and bold and risky decision of my life, so far, but the life-experience that I’ve been rewarded with since has made it all certainly worthwhile.
More to come, soon. Comments, questions, criticisms, et cetera welcome.
Thank you for listening. And thank you for sharing!